As a bonus of signing up early for our masterclasses, Aimee, my co-facilitator, and I offer a 1:1 coaching session. Jewel reached out to me, broken hearted about a recent break up and asked if she could do her 1:1. So I coached her through something I call a "Rewiring Model." I call it that because it's a model that's literally designed to rewire your brain! Our way of thinking becomes a default habit that our brain just does automatically. Jewel's brain had the habit of dwelling on the conversation in which her girlfriend broke up with her. She kept going through the woulda, coulda, shoulda's. "If only I hadn't said that. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut." And her conclusion was to decide not to do anymore online dating. None of this made her happy, mind you. In fact, she felt tormented. Her way of dealing with this was to attempt to distract herself, which eased things temporarily, but ultimately still left her feeling depressed and regretful.
Did you know that feelings aren't fact? This is a newsflash to some. Just because we're feeling shame for example, doesn't mean that we have something to be ashamed about. Not to say that we shouldn't acknowledge and pay attention to our feelings. We should! We just don't want to worship them. Give them homage. Swirl around in them, get stuck in them.
Where do feelings come from? Here's another newsflash. Feelings are a result of our thoughts. So for Jewel, who was feeling pain, her thought is that she should've done something differently, that she screwed things up. This thought was making her miserable.
So by still acknowledging what had happened (she was dating someone, she said something the person didn't like, the person broke up with her), I asked Jewel what she wanted for herself as a result of that circumstance. Her response: I want peace. So we worked through the model, creating the new thought for when she remembered this experience: This experience will lead me to be with the person I'm meant to be with. That new thought uplifted her. I noticed the change in her voice while we were talking. I asked Jewel if she noticed it too. She had indeed. She felt lighter. The next day she messaged me to tell me how good she felt. That she was even going to put her profile back online.
Because here's the thing: Everyone you meet, everyone you date, help you define "Her." And through this, you will recognize "Her" when she does show up in your life!